Jan 18th: My third time at chemotherapy was technically my first round in a series of four. We started a new chemo which is different from the first two rounds because it includes a third drug. My doctor had told me I cannot go through with chemo if my body is too weak. Therefore, I was determined to walk in by myself because I knew I really it. Early Friday, I was able to walk and push my portable oxygen tank with me to the chemo suite. The receptionist greeted me with smile and was happy that I was able to walk in on my own. This day was my intravenous chemo and I had to be there for six hours this time. It was not as pleasant as my previous two times.
After Friday I have ten days to take chemo pills at home. The first day was okay and I was able to take the pill. The second day, I was feeling very uncomfortable. I had low appetite for food in general. Nothing appealed to me. I just could not take my pill. But I could feel that the cancer inside is growing and causing problems. So I know I really needed to get stronger and eat more and rest more. Thanks to the prayers I was my appetite slowly increased in the days following. And I was able to eat at least one if not two pills on the following days according to my doctors regimen. Today Jan 26th is my eighth pill day. I should finish by Monday.
Last weekend was fairly busy with visitors from NY. I was very happy to see my cousins from New York, my old JHS classmate and my aunt.
My cousin Francine was able to get away from her two kids for the weekend.
My Aunt Mei and cousin Rebecca. Josh also visited [not pictured here]
When my aunt visited this time she let me with this verse:"...in everything give thanks.." In the middle of the night when I am in pain and no one is with me I feel it is difficult to take this verse. How can I be thankful for pain? How can I be thankful to be up at 3 am when everyone else is sleeping soundly. Sometimes I feel alone in my suffering.
Despite feeling alone, I know the Lord is with me always, And He is suffering with me. So I told the Lord 'I cannot thank you for pain. But I can thank you that I am not alone but you are going through this with me'.
Then in the middle of the night the Lord comforted me with this verse:
"And He will wipe away every tear from their eyes; and death will be no more,
nor will there be sorrow or crying or pain anymore; for the former things have passed away." —Rev 21:4 (RCV)
Hi Pearl,
ReplyDeleteI'm glad I can follow how you are doing on this blog. I have been thinking of you and praying for you. I am really encouraged by how much you are clinging to the Lord in your difficult situation. I recently enjoyed Psalm 139. I particularly enjoyed verses 7-18:
Where shall I go, away from Your Spirit, And where shall I flee from Your presence? If I ascend into heaven, You are there; If I make my bed in Sheol, there You are. If I take the wings of the dawn And settle at the limits of the sea, There also Your hand will lead me, And Your right hand will take hold of me. And if I say, Surely darkness will cover me, And the light around me will be night; Even the darkness is not dark to You, And night shines like day; The darkness is like the light. For it was You who formed my inward parts; You wove me together in my mother's womb. I will praise You, for I am awesomely and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, and my soul knows it well. My frame was not hidden from You When I was made in secret, Skillfully fashioned in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; And in Your book all of them were written: The days that were ordained for me, When not one of them was yet. And how precious are Your thoughts to me, O God! How great is the sum of them! If I should count them, they would be more than the sand. When I awake, I am still with You.
Your post reminded me of the verse somewhere that talks about the lone sparrow on the roof (maybe Isaiah?). May the Lord be your lone sparrow companion.
Much grace,
Olivia